It is currently the morning of the 19th July and exactly one week since my daughter, Meg and I moved into our latest home. We are still living out of boxes and suitcases as I am overwhelmed and inordinately tired but we feel somewhat settled and safe, settled and safe enough to continue with psychotherapy.
CMHT The Bridge Centre allocated a new psychotherapist to Meg in the middle of February this year. Dr Matt Sopp is, to date, undoubtedly the most competent therapist that Meg has worked with.
After around three months spent on relationship building, therapy moved onto specifics of Exposure Response Prevention, commonly referred to as ERP. ERP encourages the person who is suffering from Obsessive Compulsion Disorder to face their fears and let obsessive thoughts occur without ‘putting them right’ or ‘neutralising’ them with compulsions.
ERP is universally recognised as the gold-standard therapy for dealing with OCD although, in the UK, it is usually considered a part of an overall Cognitive Behavioural Therapy intervention.
Meg IS responding positively to Matt’s treatment but it is unclear as to whether she will ultimately make a significant recovery from the truly debilitating impact of OCD. In the meantime we can only commit ourselves to the work, Matt to delivering his clinical expertise, Meg to engaging with the therapy and me, father and carer, to continually, tirelessly supporting.
The work is extremely hard, especially for Meg and extremely distressing, especially for me.
The move has provided the necessary environment, a quiet, leafy setting on the Old Basing and Mapledurwell border, which is in stark contrast to my former home in the near-dystopian Winterthur Way estate in central Basingstoke with all of its considerable anti-social issues.
Meg had another of her regular harrowing OCD episodes smeared across several hours, from late last night until the early hours of this morning. She finally gave way to extreme exhaustion and fell asleep at around 6am. As I settled into my own much needed sleep I reflected on the series of catastrophic events that had forced us both into this wretched epoch of our lives.
Meg has been failed by multiple health care providers, both at individual and institutional levels, first at CAMHS, Bramblys Drive, Basingstoke and then at CMHT The Bridge Centre, Basingstoke.
Meg was failed by the management team at CAMHS that kept her on a waiting list for over TWO YEARS following a mental health assessment in December, 2018.
Meg was failed by the multidisciplinary team that assessed her as an emergency case in February, 2021. Meg should have been signposted by that MDT for immediate transition to Adult Services but wasn’t.
Meg was failed by psychotherapist, Mark Birbeck, whose poor clinical judgement and professional incompetence denied her timely and effective treatment.
Meg was failed by art therapist, Sally Mungall, whose responsibility it was to deliver appropriate leadership and provide clinical oversight but didn’t.
Meg was failed by at least three care coordinators assigned by CMHT The Bridge Centre to prepare her for psychological interventions.
Meg was failed by the multi-disciplinary team at CMHT, The Bridge Centre who decided to allocate just 8 sessions of ERP between January and May, 2023 for treatment of her extreme OCD. NICE guidelines advise up to 50 sessions of this type of therapy for extreme presentations of OCD. Serena Vizinni, the clinical psychologist appointed to deliver the ERP was very good at her job but Meg needed a much longer regime of therapy that was witheld by CMHT The Bridge Centre.
Meg was failed by the multi-disciplinary team and or management at CMHT, The Bridge Centre by signposting her to ‘reablement’ in preparation for discharging her from Adult Mental Health Services when she was still profoundly mentally unwell.
Meg was failed by CMHT, The Bridge Centre who refused to offer Meg further psychotherapy throughout the remainder of 2023. Therapy was only offered following my declaration to protest by way of hunger strike and the appointment of new Head of Clinical Services, Gemma Stubbington who intervened and secured funding for Meg.
Every time I get the opportunity to reflect on Meg’s mental health struggles I find myself ruminating on those failures and it makes me incandescently angry.
Every time I see my daughter in pain a part of my mind is often paralysed by a monstrous rage. One of my jobs is to channel that anger, wield that rage like an oxy acetylene metal worker uses a blow torch for precision cutting and strong welds. I find myself defaulting to a state of mind that I call ‘shark mode’, a concept that was defined in my own recent therapy with Dr Preston. ‘Shark mode’ is my way of dispassionately dealing with other people who I recognise as a real threat to my safety and survival or the safety and survival of my daughter or other loved ones, friends or even vulnerable and abused strangers.
As I slowly unpack our belongings and make a home for us both I look to consolidate my plans for the immediate future. I intend to bring our story to widespread public attention, forcing an outcome to my protests and resolving my grievances asap. Our lives have been held in perpetual limbo for too many years. The things that most people take for granted have been denied us.
I want my daughter to have a life.
I want access to my own life.
I will do whatever it takes to secure both.
'A MURDER OF CONSPIRATORS # 21 Spin Doctor, revealed' to be published here on the 21st July, 2025.
