A Theory of Everything # 14 'The art therapy sessions 3'

THEORY OF EVERYTHING

'The art therapy sessions # 3'

IDENTITY, continued

Sally Mungall’s identity changed according to

1)      Her therapeutic approach

2)      Her mood

3)      My own transference

Whenever Sally Mungall’s therapeutic approach changed, or whenever she let her mood get the better of her, I experienced different psychological transferences.

Whenever my own transference was altered, a different aspect of Sally Mungall was revealed as a distinct identity.

When Sally Mungall applied rigid, harsh and confrontational modes of therapy her identity coalesced around cliched imagery of female authority and dominance. Her cooly indifferent, unsympathetic ‘tough love’ approach was retraumatising and I would see my nan, a disciplinarian school matron or Cinderella’s stepmother, projected with stern matriarchal aplomb onto the face mask.

There were times when she  seemed to turn into Annie Wilkes from Stephen King’s novel, Misery, shaped into a likeness of the actress, Kathy Bates.

During one session she turned into the Lilith of Jewish mythology. I even caught myself subconsciously reflecting back her adopted persona by wearing a Vampirella t-shirt at the next  session.

She more readily relied on a therapeutic approach that would have been really appropriate toward her typical child and adolescent patients which I found particularly disarming. When she was motherly and warm she became Dianne Weist playing Aunt Jet in the movie, Practical Magic or even J K Rowling’s literary creation, Mrs Weasley.

Without access to her the entirety of her face and a full repertoire of non-verbal visual cues, my ability to accurately decode the intention behind Sally Mungall’s words was variously impaired. Often, when I looked for compassion or reassurance I imagined a sneer or a smirk to match her glare or frown. Without evidence to the contrary, the sneers and smirks were real.

Without a constant visual anchor, the whole experience of ‘art therapy’ with Sally Mungall was completely destabilising and, despite her efforts in ‘ground’ me after particularly traumatic sessions, eventually contributed to a catastrophic mental breakdown.

OBJECT RELATIONS

In Part 7 of ‘A Theory of Everything’ I referenced ‘object relations theory’ and its relevance to the temporary removal of Sally Mungall’s face mask. The game of Peekaboo is thought by development psychologists to demonstrate an infant's ability, usually after 8 months of age, to understand object permanence. Object permanence is a foundational concept in infant cognition, referring to a child’s understanding that objects continue to exist even when they cannot be seen, heard, or touched.

There is a lot to say about ‘object relation theory’ and how it relates to the health of my own psyche, much of which is belongs to my ongoing psychotherapy and which is beyond the scope of this blog. I am particularly interested in W. R. D. Fairbairn, the Scottish psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and a central figure in ‘object relations theory’ and the insight into the structures of the psyche that contain a child’s fear and anger as well as parental indifference, neglect and outright abuse.

‘Fairbairn had a part time position in an orphanage, where he saw neglected and abused children. He noticed that they created fantasies about the "goodness" of their parents and eagerly looked forward to being reunited with them. He realized that these children had dissociated and repressed the many physical and emotional outrages that they had been subjected to in the family. Once in the orphanage, these same children lived in a fantasy world of hope and expectation, which prevented them from psychological collapse. The fantasy self that the child develops was called the libidinal self (or libidinal ego) and it related to the very best parts of the parents, who may have shown interest or tenderness toward their child at one time or another, which the needy child then enhances with fantasy. The fantasy enhanced view of the parent was called the exciting object by Fairbairn, which was based on the excitement of the child as he spun his fantasy of a reunion with his loving parents.’ - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_relations_theory

My own enduring ‘fantasy of a reunion’ centred around the idea that I had been raised by imposters and that my ‘real’ parents would someday track me down and reclaim me. And when I write ‘parents’, I more properly mean mother. The first "object" in an individual's psyche is usually an internalized image of the mother. Internal objects are formed by the patterns in one's experience of being taken care of as an infant, which may or may not be accurate representations of the actual, external caretakers. Objects are usually internalized images of one's mother, father, or other primary caregiver.

I stared at Sally Mungall for less than several seconds while tectonic plates seemed to shift. When Sally Mungall put her mask back on she disappeared and I didn’t want her to go. The psychological experience was unsettling and disturbing. I believe my reaction to the disappearance of Sally Mungall’s face was an activation of phenomena related the object relations.

As for those tectonic plates that shifted, I believe they moved under the influence of another particularly powerful and compelling force.

Romantic attraction.